Hi/salam.

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I got this incense burner, recently ⤴️.

Incense is used a lot in Sudan (where i’m from), India, the Levant, gulf countries… many other places, too.

– this smoke took five minutes 🙂  [u can hardly see it tho, I think, in this pic..😎]

I thought the mas’haf (copy of quran) would look nice next to it, so i placed it there   ^.^

~

In other news (no one cares, but….) –

i had such a hard time this past week with everything… like showering, and everything. – i don’t think i have schizoaffective disorder, actually (the diagnosis my doctors eventually gave me)… I think I have schizophrenia, disorganized type. (mixed with paranoid type, too. Like, paranoid and* disorganized schizophrenia. That must be possible.

-I felt really mentally frozen these past 9 days or so… i googled ‘catatonia’ (‘cause that’s what i thought it was..).. but then i found out that catatonia is mainly in terms of being stuck in one position, physically. not being able to move, and etc (other situations).

-i was just in a really bad stupor… couldn’t think, my executive functioning went away, completely.. cloudy and foggy, i guess (mind). felt weird

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I think my psychiatrist and social worker were just trying to shelter me from a schizophrenia diagnosis. 😦 they didn’t want me to feel badly about it. They told me that ‘a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder is most appropriate, at this time.’ (Schizoaffective disorder, depressive type.) They actually gave me a written psychological evaluation back in February 2017, because I really wanted one. “Written,” as opposed to talking to me and figuring out what I have through verbal question & answer, which is what they had initially done. (After which they told me not to worry about diagnosis labels//didn’t really give me a diagnosis.) after the written tests, they said I have schizoaffective, depresive type. But I think it’s schizophrenia, actually. it’s quite clear, I think…  *i looked up the med I take, and read that it’s used to treat schizophrenia. So, that’s another hint.. 😔 (*although, the same med can be used to treat different disorders, I know..)

Well I’m definitely on ~the schizophrenia spectrum/psychotic disorder spectrum~, regardless, since it’s either schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder, most likely. And, the two disorders are very much alike, anyway.. (despite my sureness that it’s schizophrenia, and not schizoaffective..)  -I even read that some doctors believe schizoaffective disorder is a form of schizophrenia, rather than a separate condition.

– It’s weird to think of myself as schizophrenic, or anything similar. But it’s ok, lol. I mean now i can advocate for and have a cause i’m concerned about (mental illness…).  ((On that subject: i sorta want to write a book (a collection of essays) about my mental illness experiences. Or have that be a theme//major theme in it. I also wanted to be a grant writer for a mental health nonprofit, after i finally graduate from college.. but i don’t know if those two (three?) things are ever gonna happen, though😅. But of course, I’ll try.😅 could happen, I guess😅 #dreams

this blog post went from incense burning to schizophrenia and related disorders. LOL i never ever see that, no one does that😞

Anyways here are sum pics 🙂 ⤵️

 

 

((*One of these pics is mine (the “One who does what the Friend wants done” one is mine. I took that pic from a book I’m reading, called The Soul of Rumi): all the others I got from Pinterest.com….)

Ok bye. Thx for reading this, this was so silly..

P.s. here’s a pic along wit some thoughts/commentary, that I shared to Fb on December 27, 2019:

current,y diagnosed with numbr two, on this list- schizoaffective, depressive type. I think it’s schizophrenia though. my depression was def full blown depression..it ‘met the criteria for a major mood disorder,’ as the criteria for schizoaffective is (schizophrenic symptoms *and* a major mood disorder (like depression) . But my ‘major mood disorder’ ~definitely without a doubt~ did not** last for ‘over half of the course of the illness.’ no way. It lasted like one year and a half…two, max. Out of four ful years of illness, until I found proper treatment (abilify., my med.) So yes it didn’t last for over half the course of the illness. I mean the diagnosis criteria is ‘if the mood disorder lasts for over half the course of the illness, it’s most likely schizoaffective disorder. And, but if the mood disorder lasts less than the total duration of illness, it’s likely schizophrenia. My mood disorder symptoms def, def lasted less than half the total duration (of illness).. which is why im pretty sure that I actually have schizophrenia, not schizoaffective :33 *but something else: I’m actually confused, becuase I’ve come across (read) two different definitions of schizoaffective disorder , without any explanation of that. Definiton 1. is the above…(that the mood disorder has to last for over half of the duration of the total illness). **but the second defi tion I’ve seen of schizoaffective disorder is that the person has to meet the criteria for schizophrenia, and also the criteria for a major mood disorder. In this second definiton, ‘schizoaffective disorder’ definetly without a doubt fits me… because yeah, both those criteria were relevant., very. **But what the heck, why are there two different definitions of schizoaffective disorder? One says ‘must meet the criteria for schizoprnenia, *and the mood disorder (depression, or mania) part *must* last for over half the duration of illness. And the second definition of schizoaffective disorder states that the mood component doesnt really have a length* requirement, at all: it’s just that the person has to meet the criteria for schizophrenia, as well as* the criteria for a full blown mood disorder. So what the heck, where am I supposed to fit into that?? I totally did meet the criteria for full blown mood disorder,.. *but it didnt last over half the duration of illness. So I mean… depending on which definiton of ‘schizoaffective disordr’ we use…I can possibly fit into both of them. whatver, forget this. I’ve been thinking about this for way too long. Been thinking about this since like a yr ago… that’s when ‘it dawned on me’ that my psychologist and social worker gave me this schizoaffectibe diagnosis, ‘to shield/protect me from a schizophrenia diagnosis.’ I could be wrong about that..but idk they looked pretty shady as they were diagnosing me..looked like they were lying to me 😦 the med i take (called abilify) treats both* schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder, both.. so I mean that makes it hard (for me) to discern which one exactly I have. shit. But I mean whatver I guess it’s ok, it’s close enough. The diagnosis . Wtf though.. what is all of this. its just weird. Whatver khalas I’m done thinking about it 😣 so stupid. thakns for viewing this ☀️

💜🤲🏼 -ethar h

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