:3

It’s been kind of difficult, it’s been really weird. I want to say ‘that’s cool’ to everyone who’s managed to overcome the negativity in their own life, and live as if nothing is going on, nothing bad is happening. It’s all good; I’m still gonna get an oil change in a couple of months. I’ll chill over at McDonald’s while I wait. I’m still gonna wear my baggy clothes like I do every day, the clothes that hide me like a blanket. Everything is ok. I’m still listening to the same songs since years and years ago (if I had to choose just a couple of genres, I guess it’d be hiphop and r&b (and soul), though I listen to everything…)—and I’m lying down on my same bed with the same weird-looking wallpaper and walls, all around me. They’re my own, though; they’re my special walls, and wallpaper. | I still have plans to go into the creative-work industry. First I wanted to work as a book/magazine editor; then as a graphic designer, doing visual wrk for advertising, product packaging, and etc. I think I’m settling now into videography/video editing. Hopefully I get to work for small businesses and nonprofits, helping with their post-production. And hopefully I get to work with video production companies/agencies, doing cool projects for different clients/customers/ppl. I’m also gonna try to self-publish my essay and poetry collections. And I’ll try to promote/post some original sketches, drawings, and artwrk on my social media, and through literary magazines (if they accept me), and through my print-on-demand (POD) online store that I’m planning to open. I’m very behind-the-scenes, I could never be in front of the camera or on stage or anything like that. I like color and written/visual expression, and motion graphics. | I’m slowly but surely realizing that my mental health condition, what I thought was ‘purely’ a mental health condition, is in fact similar to autism in some ways; it’s considered by many professionals to be a neurological state that’s similar to autism, somewhat. and there’s nothing wrong with that, we’re all fine the way we are. It’s just another way of experiencing the world. I personally take meds for my condition, every day—but I don’t rly think about it anymore. It’s nothing personal, it’s nothing mean or anything. And I try to just forget about the bad stuff, any negative things that might’ve happened. May god help me in letting go, letting go of stuff. “Chill homie, you need to let that sh** go.” And I guess life is supposed to be a happy thing, it’s not supposed to be a sad thing. I’m done crying, though. >.< i hope everything wrks out for everyone; we all want the same things and we’re all exactly the same, in many ways. I see myself in everyone, to a surprising extent. I look at certain musicians; at dark-skinned organizers and fighters against discrimination/racism/xenophobia and so on; at mothers, homemakers; at religious leaders, faith leaders; at ppl with neurological disorders, mental/cognitive problems; i look at ppl who challenge ‘the system’ in life, and who are trying to ensure a more-equitable distribution of wealth and a stronger welfare state to help people live their lives optimally; and i also look up to ppl from lgbtq backgrounds and experiences. I see myself through all these ppl, for some reason. :0 I can’t say i relate to every single one of those identifications, but hey, we’re all the same person in many ways. alhamdulillah; thankful to god. I just need to release the toxicity from my life, i guess. I don’t know why i sometimes get so worried about things. Everyone does, but i exaggerate it. If i could someday find friends and likeminded peers who understand me, i think that’d make things easier. | ty**. xxo xo