:3

I often felt that it was a little hard for me to find people that I fit in with well and felt comfortable with. I currently go to school online, I’m in online classes and everything. (They start next month.) I guess it was hard for me to make friends in life. In terms of entertainment and comforting media that I attach myself to; I listen to positive hiphop and r&b, and I read. I read poetry, fiction, and (creative) nonfiction; I read all forms of creative literature. And I watch films; I like biopics, drama pieces, historical dramas, and documentaries. I also sketch and draw; I have a visual art practice that I do every now and then. (I have a sketchbook, and I draw digitally on my iPad; and I paint a little bit. I like abstract art, sketches, and drawings/paintings.) 

I feel that the social scenes that I am most comfortable in are local museums, art exhibits, theaters, and other “quiet” venues–especially ones based on visual art and performing arts/film, I guess. I like libraries and bookstores, too. I often find interesting reads there, and it’s fun to see the customers/the public looking through the books and trying to find something they’re into.

I’m actually planning on going to the movie theater at my local mall with my parents, soon. I have to check out the listings at the movie theater’s website and see what is currently showing. And I think we’ll stop by the bookstore and the cafe while we’re there. I actually like our local mall; it’s a small, uncomplicated thing, and I’ve become quite familiar with it over the years. I know where I am, there–I’m not lost and confused or anything. 

I’m planning on taking a year or a year and a half for my certificate program at school, and then I’ll immediately apply for local/regional jobs, once I’m done. I pretty much decided on film and video production, I think. I finally chose that over graphic design. I hope everything goes smoothly enough. I hope to work diligently in my field, and I hope I’ll find some happiness with my craft. I’ve actually done video editing with my personal creative work, and I’ve done a bit of volunteer work in it too, and I think I have a passion for it. But if it turns out that it’s not for me, I’ll figure something else out. I’m probably gonna take photography and photo editing coursework along with my video editing coursework, this coming semester. And I’m thinking of eventually taking audio design classes too, if I can. This should be a good mix; it’ll give me exposure to a range of fields and disciplines. I feel that if I simply do what I like in my life, I should be ok. I have to be emotionally attached to what I do, or else I won’t find meaning in it. | I hope to really apply myself with my upcoming studies. I’m trying to get straight A’s and become proficient with the material, with the digital video and photography (and audio/sound design) content that is covered in class. And I plan on doing some photography internship work while I take my college classes, this semester. I’m kind of hoping hard that I somehow find myself in this field. I’ve done it in my free time, as amateur/beginner work, and I developed an interest in it, through that. I saw that I might have some potential in it. But I know that working as a professional photographer is very different than doing it as a hobby or as part of a personal creative outlet. I actually think the only similarity is that you’re taking photographs in both scenarios. But professional photography requires a lot of interaction with clients, supervisors, perhaps co-workers, and etc. And the work can sometimes be challenging to carry out in the best way if you’re shy or introverted, yourself. Well I think I’ll definitely stay away from portraiture and event photography for the time being; I’ll do other types, for now. I just don’t want this overall possibility and chance to slip away from me; I don’t want to miss the opportunity to study and intern in photography. I don’t wanna miss this opportunity; it doesn’t come about very often in life, I think. (it doesn’t present itself to everyone, at all times. It’s one of those things wherein one’s interest in it; the mood/orientation towards learning it; and one’s means for taking some time off for studies and for internships, all have to align simultaneously. And so I’ll try it, even if things end up not working out at all.) | I feel that if I’m somehow able to become a freelance or in-house photographer, that would be great for me. I would be in a respectable role and career in my community; I think it’s looked up to, even if the compensation is not that high. Moreover, I would be sort of out and about in the community, doing my creative craft. I feel that part of the appeal of photography is that the work is usually done on location, whether at a studio or wherever the clients (or content to be photographed) are. And so the whole thing breathes some life into my existence, it would breathe some life into me. I tend to stay at home most of the time due to some circumstances in my life right now, and so if I could attain a career that gets me moving a little bit and gets me out into the community a little bit more (and is a little bit physically demanding, with the standing up and lifting a camera, and etc.), then that would be fantastic, I guess. It would be good for me I think; it might expand my life a little bit and chase some of the dark clouds away. It’ll be psychologically uplifting; it might improve my mental health a little. I mean I know that video/film editing is, in contrast, mostly desk work. It’s computer-based work, so much of it can possibly be done remotely, without having to come into the office or show up at any specific venue or location. That’s part of the reason why I want to supplement my video editing (post-production) career with photography. I feel that my passion for it + my desire for some motion and movement in my working life, some kinetics, is what is pulling me towards this possibility and opportunity. *I don’t know if it’ll work out even 50% though; I have to really get in there and have some professional photographic experience, first. Being a student photographer and intern is going to be very challenging for me, I can tell—-but I have a feeling that it’s mainly about finding some sweetness and comfort with what you’re doing, while you’re on the job. Even if it’s not ‘everything you’ve always wanted,’ you can find a certain rhythm and movement (and a positive attitude towards it) that’ll help you get through the day. That’s what will help you through the shoots and the projects. If you have a passion for it in a general sense, you can make it work out in your favor, I think. You can direct your focus and your thoughts towards the positive elements of it, and you can find enough enjoyment in it. And this is all my guesswork, currently. I only have amateur experience with photography, I haven’t ever done it in a professional capacity, so far. I really do hope it’ll work out for me; I hope I manage to find steady freelance work, and find some happiness and acceptance with it while I do it. If not, I’ll fall back on the video editing and sound design work, and so on. -for some reason, I just really want the photography thing to work out; I feel that that would be extremely healthy for me, in a way. Healthy, psychologically balancing/configuring, and impressive; that’s what it would be. But I know that my shyness and cognitive difficulties (my lack of ability to ‘mentally keep going’ throughout the day, and make those synaptic connections with what’s in front of me; my inability to connect the dots with my work. I tend to freeze up and be uncomfortable. And I currently don’t really know how to manage and administer a session, a photoshoot. and I lack some confidence, in general); I know that these vices will be the cause of the downfall, if things happen to not turn out well. Others work happily as photographers; they don’t suffer the same type of syndrome that I’ve described. If they do; they brush it aside and just focus on getting things done, and on doing their job well. -anyways, I hope it’ll all work out. If not, I do have other plans; I have more-independent career options I can do. I tend to work best by myself, and I’m actually not adaptive in a group setting or in a busy setting with any commotion in it.

-ty**.

💛✨🙏🏽🌟🌈✨♥️