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After having graduated from my English literature (and liberal studies) program in college, I’ve come to realize that I’m no longer tied down to the idea of what I thought I had to do. I’m no longer tied down to the idea of chasing a dream or a life mission (or a career) that does not fully suit me. I’m free to choose what I want to be and which road I really want to go down, in life. I always have been, actually.

Finishing up undergrad has shown me that I’m not an academic, nor am I very politically oriented. I’m not inclined towards any particular cause, movement, or party. (I support things like anti-poverty/pro-worker struggles, anti-war efforts, and intercultural alliances, though. But that’s simply a layperson’s espousal of benign causes. Most people in the world support these aims, or they can at least see their validity.) And so my guess is that the humanities and social sciences are not actually for me, despite several years of thinking that this is the path I want to take. (I initially considered things like book publishing, paralegal work, nonprofit work, and etc.) These days, I’m exploring media production; film and video production. I think I have a genuine interest in this field. It might be an interdisciplinary field; I heard that it’s considered interdisciplinary, because it can encompass history, communications, and production/hands on production. I myself am trying to focus mostly on the latter element, I’m doing a certificate (or several classes) in production. I think that the production side of things can be considered applied media training, or vocational training in videography and film—not unlike applied educational coursework in photography, audio engineering, sound design, and etc. I’ve always been enamored of media and all the cool things you can do with it; I think it’s fulfilling, and it can be highly rewarding. Film, music, visual art, photography, etc. I sometimes think that that’s all I really live for; content creation, and sharing cool messages with other people. I mean, I didn’t really have many friends or anybody around me for quite some years now, in my life. And so all I ever really did for the past ten years is that I read books, listened to music, watched movies (biopics, dramas, historical dramas, documentaries, etc.), written poetry and personal essays; I drew quite a lot, created YouTube videos, looked at magazines a little bit (literary and arts magazines, and etc.); and stuff like that. I also finished college, and I volunteered a little bit in my town. I’ve been trying to find work for the past year or so, and I recently decided to go back to school for a certificate (or several courses, a good number of courses) in video/film production, as aforementioned. I don’t really know if I’m going to succeed in this area; all I know is that I probably have a genuine interest in it. My backup plan is to work a day job, something that I am capable of and that I can do fairly well, while I figure something else out for myself. I like graphic design and visual art and design, and I probably have several other interests within the overall media production realm; and so I think I should be ok. I should be able to forge a path for myself within media, whether in film/video, or graphic design, or something else. And so I’m a content creator, I guess. I’m not an academic; and I’m not very politically motivated/oriented. I know that both positions sound like luxuries, especially in an imperfect (deeply flawed) world, one that needs fixing and healing. But at the same time, we all have our talents and skills; I think we’re all important. “Some people are meant to be in the front line. Some people are meant to be in the middle line. Some people are meant to be at the back line//behind the scenes. And some people, you’ve never heard of–they’re unknown, and shall remain so. Everyone’s important, though; everyone’s doing a wonderful job.” |

In terms of people’s judgmentalness about my having chosen film and video—some people think that it’s insignificant, and that it makes no difference; it’s trivial—my response is that I personally don’t judge anybody for what they do, or don’t do. I don’t even judge people for what they don’t do—I don’t judge them for things they should be doing. Life is hard, and a lot of people struggle with basic things, basic actions. I never, ever judge them for it—let alone judge people for benign things that they actively do. As long as they’re not hurting anyone, I (in turn) don’t have any negative comments towards anyone. And so I really don’t mind if people think my field is trivial or unimportant. god bless, I really don’t mind. I mean at least I found something that I like to do in life, and I’m minding my own business, and I’m trying to convey positive messages with my work. At least I’m being creative, I’m trying to do something productive in the creative realm. (I mean, I don’t know. It seems like a lot of people always have something negative to say about you, or your life ):  They’re never content to just say “insha Allah kheir”—meaning, ‘god bless, may god bless.’ Rather, they have to share something negative, they always have something negative to say to you. ):  I personally don’t mind it; but a lot of people are easily distraught and easily broken, and they suffer through people’s negative comments. ): I pray for everyone; I pray for bullies and victims. Such is the nature of life; masha Allah. That’s how god willed it to be, I guess. That’s part of living. | Plus, I’m black (Sudanese); and I’ve been diagnosed in the past with a certain mental health condition. A lot of black people and people with neurodivergence are very creative and emotionally intelligent. They’re better suited for creative-flow careers than for other things; they thrive in settings where there’s room for creative, improvisational (in-real-time) problem-solving. This might be known as “working best with your hands,” or ‘thriving in environments where you can be yourself; working in areas that are suited for your personality.’ We work best when ‘we’re in the zone’–when we’ve found that space or zone that suits us. Everyone works best in this condition, but I feel that people of african descent and/or neurodiverse people really do need to take it upon themselves to pursue this type of work. We need to do what we are comfortable with. A lot of us (i.e., blacks and people with neurodiversity, certain syndromes and states) are more open and relaxed, tolerant and creative/passionate–more so than the general population, I think. And so when it comes time to find work or a life calling, I feel that we (as a people) have to keep in mind our personality traits, our character traits, our artistic temperament, and etc.–we have to find work that suits us, rather than try to fit ourselves around work that is resistant to us. That’s advise for everybody; but some people truly have propensity for certain attributes, they’re better suited for certain fields. This is not to pigeonhole anybody or to stereotype anybody, though. I guess I should only speak for myself and my own personal experiences. |

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