I’ve been unsure of my future, lately. I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with my life. I didn’t want to do assignments or logistical work, and so I strayed away from corporate and nonprofit work—activities that would further a cause or help an entity in some way. I’m not inclined towards cognitive work like that, despite some studiousness back during school and college. I do enjoy reading about people who have found their calling in nonprofit coordination and leadership, law, publishing and editing, and etc. Very reading and writing intensive, very intellectual, very worthwhile.
I’m edging more and more towards my religious convictions, my spiritual convictions, these days. I don’t believe in dogmatism or legalism. I don’t see the point of it. I don’t believe that there’s only one true religion or way. We’re all children of god. Heaven is vast and big enough for all of us.
I don’t know much about society or about how it functions; I’m not political. And my will to learn more about it is shrinking, I don’t think it matters. My politics is to be good to everyone, or at least not hurt each other. And freedom—one should be free to pursue his own version of happiness, without interference. There is no such thing as “society,” in many ways. Only the individual can think, dream, make decisions, and find meaningfulness. But life is ultimately a mixture of both the individual and the greater society in which she lives.
I’m hoping to work in ABA therapy, soon. I’m currently enrolled in a certificate program that will help me become a behavior technician, a therapist for youth with special needs. I’m completing my studies with a small private college here in Virginia, Mary Baldwin University.
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It often takes much effort to understand the ideas, causes, and movements around you. It’s hard to understand yourself, others, and the particular problems at hand. Besides; where did we come from? Where are we going? The existential worry, fear, and disorientation may never be resolved while we’re alive. But religion and spirituality often eases the pain and dissolves these worries. It tells us that we’re endless, multi-colored, and invaluable. It reminds us that there’s a rainbow-colored lining around each of us, a rainbow outline to our shapes/forms.
There’s often a desire to be something other than what we are. We’re seldom satisfied with who we are. And this usually manifests as self-struggle, a struggle against oneself. “Be where you are (and be who you are), or you will miss your life.” -the Buddha.
| I hope to contribute to the literature in applied behavior analysis–specifically, ABA therapy for youth with disabilities. This is in addition to my practice in the field. I hope to write about it, if only in an informal manner. I plan to write an essay collection about my experiences with the vocation. I’ll explain my interest in it, my attraction to it, and other, more-academic ideas.
I’ve often heard that you have to take control of the day, or else it’ll overpower you, it’ll take control of you. I guess it might be the same with life; you have to direct and administer it, or else the days will pass by with little meaning. The difficult moments will soon be over. No one lives forever, and life is short. What really helps me out is poetry, journaling, music, going about my daily routine and responsibilities, and prayer. I try to keep up with hygiene and cooking/cleaning, as much as I possibly can. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and purpose. I also like to watch films and read biographies.
“Medicine, law, business, engineering–these are noble pursuits, and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love–these are what we stay alive for.” –Dead Poets Society
a portfolio 