essay. :3

A thousand rebirths. I transformed a thousand times.

I moved back to northern Virginia from Doha, Qatar in Dec., 2021. Dec. 2021 was also the same month that I wrapped up undergrad, I finally graduated from college. I personally think that the college gen ed (general education) requirements are way too burdensome on students, and that maybe we should abolish them. What if you have a disability or mental health challenge, and it’s really hard for you to get through all of those? Maybe college should only be two or three years instead of four, with all the gen eds you currently have to take.

After moving back to NoVA from overseas, and upon completing college, I felt an emptiness, and my life became a question mark. What should I do? What career should I take? I didn’t want to make the wrong choice. 

I ended up trying several different internships and jobs, not unlike what I had tried to do in my earlier years, when I was younger. And so I did an office work internship for a month and a half; I job-shadowed in a preschool classroom for an afternoon; I completed a year-long graphic design internship; and I tried to complete videography classes and a post-production internship. And I also worked for a little bit as a behavior technician with several different ABA therapy companies here in my local area. And so I earned a little bit of money from my behavior tech work. The last time I had earned steady income was when I was 21 years old and working a summer job at an academic development company, an after-school academic enrichment company.

And in the past three years, since Dec. 2021, I also interviewed around a lot at local elementary schools; restaurants (I was interested in prep cook and kitchen help work, in specific; culinary arts); private tutoring companies; veterinary hospitals; and several other places. And in addition, I also volunteered for two months and a half at a local food pantry here in NoVA, a Catholic Charities food pantry. After I finished my volunteer commitment with the Catholic Charities food pantry, I eventually requested that I be placed with the CC evening classes as a volunteer ESL teacher. I think the admin over at CC were familiar with me already because of my food pantry work. And so I was signed on and registered to teach Monday and Wednesday evening classes in ESL, English as a second language. (But anyone who is committed and dedicated to a volunteer position is welcome to apply and volunteer with Catholic Charities. They’re very welcoming and grateful for the help.) So I’m currently wrapping up my aforementioned teaching commitment. My last day of classes is this Dec. 9th, 2024.

In addition to my employment, volunteer, and soul-searching efforts throughout this stretch of time—throughout these past 3 years since wrapping up college—I’ve also journaled, illustrated some artwork, and written creative pieces that I tried to get published in small online magazines, or that I just simply published on my blog. And I also did some reflective YouTube videos, some heart-to-heart types of vid. content. And I tried to find mental clarity, peace of mind, happiness, and acceptance of my life. I really tried to make peace with my own life and with my past, present, and future. And I just sort of accepted things and strengthened my belief in God and in the essential goodness and justice of Allah s.w.t. We often can’t see it in this life, but God is most benevolent and just. I think it’s only in the hereafter when things become perfectly clear. We often can’t understand everything in this life. Or “anything,” even. 

| I eventually gravitated towards a career in teaching. And I told myself that I want to do my illustration, creative writing, and videography stuff on the side, as personal creative efforts, creative projects. And so I decided that I didn’t want to enter the creative industries as paid employment, or as my main career, my main source of income. I just sort of wanted to pursue those things on my own schedule, and in my own sphere. I have my own room here in my parents’ townhouse where I draw in my sketchbooks, write in my journals, read books, write creative pieces, and maintain my own creative practice. And so I’ve sort of decided that an informal creative career is best for me, rather than doing visual art and other creative work as my main work, my main bread and butter. But you know, many people are highly successful and happy as illustrators, graphic designers, videographers, writers, and etc. etc. And we’re all in this field together, we’re all in this pursuit together. Creative and artistic expression.

And so I eventually gravitated towards a career in teaching, as aforementioned. But I just wasn’t sure whether to choose English language arts, or ESL/English as a second language, or special ed./special education, as my teaching focus, my teaching concentration. But I eventually chose ESL, English as a second language. And I wanna work with adult learners, recent immigrants, refugees, and other English language learners, as an ESL teacher. And I might also work as an ABE and GED teacher, adult basic education and general education development. But I’m not sure if I ever wanna teach k-12, or middle school and high school. I think I will focus my career on adult learners, instead. As much as I love kids and adolescents, I think that serving adult learners from various cultural and linguistic backgrounds will be even more fulfilling for me. And it’s cool to formulate connections and relationships with one’s own cohort, one’s own peers, in a way. You get to teach people who are similar in age to you; and you get to connect with all different kinds of people as they pursue their English language development. I’ll probably try to find work in adult education centers, immigrant and refugee services organizations, community colleges, language academies, and similar institutions. 

And another good thing about choosing ESL//adult ESL is that now I have a really good reason to gain working proficiency, or full proficiency, full fluency, in Arabic and in Spanish. I’m at mid-fluency level or so in Arabic, and I know a little bit of Spanish. But teaching ESL is a good reason to brush up on my second languages and gain a level of fluency in my second languages. And I’ll understand and empathize with my students more, and I’ll be more “with-it” and more current. And knowing more than one language helps open up more opportunities for you, I think. Whether in nonprofits, teaching/academia, or whatever. 

I had initially considered many different kinds of jobs, and I think they’re all good choices. But I think a big part of maturity and wisdom is found in simply beginning with something, beginning with something. (Twice over.) You have to do something. And so I hope that the beginnings I have forged for myself will be enough for me, I hope it’ll all be ok and that God and my own hard work will carry me through.

I think it was my volunteer efforts with tutoring elementary schoolers back when I was around 21 years old that sparked my initial interest in teaching and education. I’m 30 years old, now.

*ty.* god bless us.  -e.